Friday, August 25, 2006

the joy of savoring the moment... or not so much

Okay, I am SO not good at this. Savoring, I mean. Unless of course it is a dark chocolate truffle, then I am a pro at savoring. But, that's another post for another time.

Anyway, as my dear friend Kelly pointed out in her comment the other day (Casey Michelle Myers Watson- When do you not plan something????), I am a planner. I am most happy when things are well thought out and organized.

So, when we got our good news the other evening, my first reaction (after the giggling stopped) was to plan. My brain had already kicked into to overdrive, as my husband was still searching the instructions to confirm that 2 pink lines do indeed mean a positive pregnancy test.

Where will the crib go?
What color should we paint the nursery?
Should we find out the sex of the baby?
Do I want to have an epidural or do I want to try to go all natural?
How should we tell the grandparents-to-be?

(Maybe that last question should have been closer to the top, but my priorities were a bit confused at the time).

Yesterday the planning was full steam ahead. I mean, come on people, this is my first baby, the first grandbaby- on BOTH SIDES of the family. This is a bid deal. And, there are things to put in order before the baby comes. Never mind that I have 8 months in which to do all these things. I'm thinking of them now, so I might as well do then now. Right?!?!

Fast forward to last night. I am laying in bed trying to sleep- did I mention it was only 8 o'clock? (We can talk later about how being pregnant causes such utter exhaustion at only 5 weeks). Anyway, I am laying in bed thinking of all I have to do- and I just froze.

"OH MY GOSH. I AM GOING TO BE A MOM! *%&#$@, I AM GOING TO BE A PARENT." (The baby doesn't have ears yet so hopefully he/she didn't hear that colorful word slip out of my mouth).

It all came crashing down. The news that I am going to have A CHILD settled in. A tiny baby who will be completely helpless without me. Can we say "terrifying"?

Maybe, if I had stopped and savored the moment a bit more when this news was fresh, it wouldn't have come as such a shock to me last night. Especially since I took the 4 positive pregnancy tests several days ago.

Needless to say, the planning is still going strong. (Did you really think I was going to say I stopped planning? You don't know me so well if you did!)

However, I am learning- or trying to learn- that savoring the moment is a good thing. It's crucial for processing and retaining important information. And, it's needed if I plan on keeping my sanity for the next 8+ months. (There I go planning again!)

Now, has anyone seen that chocolate truffle?