Saturday, August 23, 2008

My Summer Journey

Originally posted August 11, 2006 (This post was written a few days before I found out I was pregnant with Jaron.)

For me, this summer has been full of rich experiences to glean wisdom from. Many, many rich times. God is really stirring up things in my heart through my travels and through His word.

I feel like I've grown in my "everyday faith". Like I've been challenged and stretched to the point of discomfort, yet I have found comfort in knowing I am becoming more of who He wants me to be. I feel a new passion coursing through my veins. A new awareness of His presence in my life.

I don't like to be challenged. Yet, I feel like this summer has been one challenge after another for me, personally. Not in any dramatic, visible way. But in subtle, heart moving ways. Like God has curled up in side the chambers of my heart- feeding me small doses of "Awe" as I need them.

Does that make sense? I am not sure how else to explain it.

I get frustrated with just about all things Vermont. I get fed up with the rainy days, slow drivers and Targetless towns.

But God is here. God is in Vermont.

God is in Jonathan and I in Vermont.

I want so badly to be in a sunshine, 70 degree weather all the time kind of place. I must get to the place where I want to be in God's will more than all of that. I know I am living in God's will right now, but I have to learn to WANT that. I feel like a huge part of this summer has been Him drilling that into my thick skull.

I don't know if you have ever read the book of Nahum. It's a crazy little book sandwiched in between Micah and Habakkuk. It is all about how God is angry at Nineveh and is seeking vengeance. The book rages with words of destruction. Then in the middle of the first chapter, there is this little nugget of hope. A little reminder of God's mercy. It says, "God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes any one looking for help." (1:7)

Strangely enough, this book has ministered to me quite a bit lately. I do not see myself as being in tough times and it is not that verse alone that speaks to me. It is the amazing love of God that is demonstrated by the strategic placement of the verse that blows my mind. In the middle of chaos, God reminds His people of His love. Even when terror is raining down upon them- terror that God ordained- He still wants them to remember His love.

This fact, this revelation has brought me to my knees. The tender heart of God has been made so evident to me through the book of Nahum. If you have read the book, you will understand the complete irony of that statement. I feel as though I can better grasp His care for me now. I can sit back and relax in the here and now of my life. I can be content with Vermont. All because God left a little nugget in a random place.

I can't put into words the desire of my heart right now.

All I can say is; I feel like for the first time in my life- in spite of all the things I may deem wrong with my life- I can honestly see His tender care for me, even now.